


After

by RainySteve



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, F/M, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 07:59:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16677691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainySteve/pseuds/RainySteve
Summary: The war might be over, but the scars it left behind are still fresh, even if they don't want to admit it.





	After

**Author's Note:**

> I did this for a pjohoominibang on tumblr a while back

In his dream, Percy was twelve again. He was standing just outside his front door, about to face his mother’s look of disappointment as she’d say,  _Another school?_ Worst of all there was Gabe, bound to mock him. The stench of his cigar drifted through the door and Percy got the sudden urge to kick something. Why was his mother with him? _Because of you_ , a voice seemed to remind him.

Finally, he came in, dragging his bag behind him. “You’re not supposed to be here,” Gabe told him. Percy ignored him and his friends seated at the poker table. 

 "Hey!“ His voice grew louder, “I’m talking to you!”

 Percy clenched his fists and lied to himself, _I’m stopping myself from hurting him_. In reality, he was scared. He had felt his stepfather’s anger before. He shouted again, ignoring what the other two dirtbags at his poker table were saying. Suddenly, Gabe was there, right next to Percy. The boy had to look up to meet those beady little eyes that always seem to be suspicious of something.

 "I’ve got no cash,“ he heard himself say, and it was true, he kept digging and digging into his pockets. Although he found nothing, he could’ve sworn he had a five.

 "Don’t lie to me, boy,” Gabe warned. He was so close now that his stench had momentarily drowned out all of Percy’s other thoughts, save the money. He kept digging through his pockets, becoming more and more desperate with each passing second.

 Gabe could always sniff the money out of you, and the older man could’ve sworn he’s smelled something on the boy. He was losing his patience too. Percy knew that look. He was a skinny kid compared to this tall, stinking man. 

 "You must’ve gotten a cab to get here,“ his stepfather stated, “paid him fifteen for the ride with a twenty.” That’s what scared Percy the most, Gabe was smart when it came to these kinds of things. “That leaves  _you_  with a five.”

 He kept digging but his pockets seemed to shrink, mocking him. “I’ve got n-”

 He only felt the blow after he stopped seeing stars. Then, all Percy felt was rage. He picked himself off of the floor and spotted Gabe a few feet away, laughing. He was about to run to him when the world gave away beneath him. 

Suddenly he wasn’t at his old apartment anymore. 

* * *

 The air was painful to breathe. He felt faint, like standing up would be too much of an effort. Facing him was Tartarus himself.

The sheer magnitude of being told him he would never beat him came rushing back to him. Percy would die. Worst of all was feeling Annabeth’s ragged breath beside him. She was waiting on him; they were a team. How could he possibly let her know he couldn’t do it? He was terrified and small. He was a skinny kid to the tall stinking monster before him and he was too frantic to even move. His limbs didn’t tremble but just barely. Riptide’s familiar weight in his hand had never been heavier. Percy just couldn’t carry the sword anymore. With a newly racing heartbeat he let the sword drop. 

There was relief in giving up. 

 Tartarus and every single monster he’d ever killed seemed to smile down at him. 

  _At last_.

 Percy woke up then. He didn’t wake with a jolt, he didn’t thrash. He just felt the scream at the back of his throat and his heart beat in time with his headache. He lay there, paralyzed with fear. This fear tasted so bitter because giving up was so tempting, so easy. It was always like that for him.

 Then came the trembling, his body telling him to run, everything screaming:  _Danger!_  It was all he could do to stop himself from obeying and taking off.

 He shuffled into the kitchen, stealing a quick glance to his mom’s and Paul’s room. He never woke them up, even when all he wanted was to break down and tell his mother everything. He never did. She’d tried many times to coerce it out of him but his mouth would get so dry when he’d remember; it was like trying to talk through sandpaper. It was too much, too real, too terrifying, too hard to put into words. So he simply did what he always did: clench his trembling fists and pour himself a glass of water, knowing that he wasn’t going to get much sleep that night.

He glanced at the clock. It was 3:45 am. It’d have to do. No matter how tired he was, it was better than going back to sleep. He sighed and sipped his water, growing annoyed at his racing heartbeat. It was hard to catch his breath when he got like this. It was as if his ADHD didn’t exist because it was hard  _not to concentrate_. Every little sound grew so loud. 

 He checked again to see if his parents had heard his loud breathing. He rested his elbows on the counter, his fingers running furiously through his hair, ignoring how damp the sweat had made it. Maybe if he rubbed his knuckles hard enough against his skull, he would scrub away the nightmare.

 "Percy?“ Paul’s voice interrupted his thoughts like a zap of electricity. 

 If everything had been loud before, now it was catastrophic. He could feel the screams of Tartarus roaring in his ears accompanied by the constant ring that had always been his cue to run.

 "Percy! Calm down!” His stepfather walked towards him.

 Percy tried to tell him to step away, clutching the counter between them, but he couldn’t breathe. The air was acid. His lungs burned with every inhale. Paul walked around the counter and tried to put a hand on his stepson’s shoulder, but the movement only sounded more alarms in the boy’s head. Percy tried telling him, stepping away. The sweet and harmless gesture only felt like a claw piercing back.

 He defended himself in the only way he knew. He was fast, much too fast for the older man. In no time he had Paul pinned to the floor, his hands roughly gripping his neck. Paul’s eyes pleaded for Percy to stop, but the boy didn’t see him, all he saw was a monster. He saw all the wretched creatures he’d fought in Paul, but why kill them? Why was he always killing something? 

With a gasp, Percy’s hand let go of his stepdad’s throat. He jumped away from him as his vision cleared. They stayed sitting across from each other, both trying to catch their breath, Percy failing to do so. 

 Paul only looked at him. “Percy, please, calm down.“ 

 He was so tired.

 "Percy! Listen to me, you’re having a panic attack. Control your breathing!”

He tried but couldn’t, he looked at his stepfather for help. This wasn’t real. He tried to concentrate on anything but the memories. The floor beneath his sweaty palms, the wall against his back. It wasn’t real. Finally, he held his breath. At first everything was worse to the point where his chest hurt and he had to release the air. But when he did, it seemed to come back easier. His heartbeat slowed down. 

 "There you go.“ Paul got up and Percy listened as he poured him another glass of water. He came back and handed it to him, but he was still shaking too hard. He just shook his head.

 "I could’ve killed you-" 

 "Don’t do that Percy.”

 He didn’t understand. It would’ve been so simple to rip his throat out. To get his heart to stop beating. Was it any different than all of the other times he’d done it?  “Paul,” he made sure he was looking at him, “I could’ve killed you.”

Paul seemed to force himself to look at his stepson. Percy recognized fear in his eyes. “I know.”

 *********

 "Hey!“ Rachel’s chirpy tone greeted Percy as the two came into school grounds. "You look like hell.”

 "Didn’t sleep much,” Percy confessed. 

 "That seems to be becoming a bit of a routine, huh?“ She tried to down play it, but Percy could tell she was worried, as well as half of the people around him seemed to be nowadays.

 "It’s fine,” he lied. It was always annoying to lie to Rachel, after all, she’d been the Oracle. It was hard lying to someone that practically found everything out in the end. The spirit of Delphi might’ve gone silent but she still had that weird presence that had always creeped him out. She knew too much.

 "At least we’ve got Paul today, right?“

 "Yeah.”

 He tried to force last night’s events to the back of his head but they were begging him to remember as he walked to class. The way he’d looked at Percy… There was only one other person that had ever looked at him with that type of fear…

 "Are you sure you’re okay?“ 

 

 

 Getting through Paul’s class, Percy soon found out, wasn’t as hard as he’d initially thought it might have been. As a matter of fact, he soon found himself drifting into his old habit of dozing off. Slowly, he felt himself start to fall.  _Percy_. He was beginning to wonder why he didn’t hit the floor.  _Percy._  He just kept falling, the wind making it hard to distinguish the whispering.  _Percy_. He was suddenly aware he wouldn’t survive the fall.

 "PERCY!” He woke up just as he was about to hit the floor, thrusting his hands in front of him. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him but didn’t look at them. He needed to run, to get out of there. All his instincts told him to do so; the way they did when he found himself facing a monster.

“Let’s have a word outside, Mr. Jackson.“ Percy took his chance and left right behind Paul, leaving Rachel with her mouth half opened and a worried expression on her face, a trail of whispering from the other students behind him.

 Paul was waiting outside the classroom, his back to Percy. "You can’t go on like this,” he told Percy. “You need help." 

 His tone was dead serious. It made Percy’s palms itch with anxiety. He’d waited all morning for something like this to come up but his stepfather hadn’t said a word to him the whole ride to school. He kept glancing at Percy nervously, trying to come up with something to say but clearly giving up once he noticed Percy wasn’t that interested in talking either.  _You need help_. The words made Percy feel like a crazy person. He avoided looking at Paul by staring at the window.

 "About what happened last night… this… you can’t pretend it’s okay, Percy. Your mother and I are worried about you.”

 Percy was ready to apologize when something caught his eye outside. He stopped himself just as he was about to talk and focused on what appeared to be a gleaming golden object in the sky. As he looked closer he realized it wasn’t just an object but a person, and it was coming straight at him. Was it… Jason?

 "Percy? Are you listening to me?“ Paul turned to look at him as he tore his gaze from the window, he was starting to really hate that worried look everyone seemed to be giving him. "I’m serious about this.” Jason was right outside the window now, an urgent look on his face. He pointed at the door as if to say:  _Meet you outside_. 

 For a second he looked back and forth between Jason, who clearly didn’t recognize Paul, and his stepfather. 

 "I’m sorry,“ he finally managed, "I need to go." 

 Paul stared at him, defeated. He looked behind him, trying to understand, but Jason was already gone. He’d never gotten used to Percy running off quite as much as he’d led him and his mother to believe. But now he didn’t even try to put up a front. Percy started to walk away. He thought of a million things to tell him. He kept coming back to ‘I’m sorry’, but that just didn’t cut it anymore.

_I’m sorry for interrupting your class and then leaving without an explanation._

  _I’m sorry for being the kid you have to stand for the woman you love_.

  _I’m sorry I make everything complicated._

  _I’m sorry I tried to kill you._

_I’m sorry you’re afraid in your own home._

 Percy finally started towards the door, but not before taking a quick glance back. There was a terrible feeling of determination in his stride, as if he were walking away for good.

 ***********

 New York hadn’t exactly given Jason the welcome he’d expected. After going a full month without visiting his other camp he’d thought that maybe The Fates would take pity on him and let him make the whole journey without being attacked. This wasn’t only naive but stupid, as he soon found out. 

 The minute he’d stepped out of the plane he’s spotted a gryphon and had had mere seconds to get out of there and lead the creature away from the multitude of mortals that surrounded him. Turns out he was being lured into a trap where two of the ugliest cyclops he’d seen were waiting for him. Brutally reminded of his first quest with Piper and Leo, he’d made the embarrassing, yet still good, call of retreating and seeking back up.

 He had remembered Percy went to school not far from there and had flown off hoping that the pair of cyclops hadn’t seen him and that the blow he’d awarded the gryphon was enough to delay the message.

 He landed in a rock right outside the school and waited for Percy to come out. The fact that he’d made him leave when he’d clearly gotten in trouble with a teacher made him feel worse. 

 "Hey!” Jason was about to dive into his story when he saw how terrible his friend looked. He could tell right away that he hadn’t been sleeping, the bags beneath his eyes deeper than they’d ever been, and his eyes just looked empty. He was instantly reminded of an instance months ago when Percy had been trapped beneath the ocean, when he’d given up. “Hey, what happened?”

 Percy looked up but didn’t meet Jason’s eyes. “We’ve got more pressing matters on our hands.” Jason wanted to pry him a little bit more but, unfortunately, Percy was right. 

 

 

 "Why’d you think they’re looking for me?“ Jason wondered out loud to Percy, hoping to distract him from whatever it was that had been bothering him since they started towards the cyclops’ camp. 

 "I don’t think they’re looking for you. They’re probably just hungry and sent their pet to find whatever smelled the best.”

 "I didn’t know I smelled that good.“

 Both boys stopped in their tracks as they heard the  _whoosh_  of a powerful set of wings. They exchanged looks. If the gryphon tipped them off now they would lose the element of surprise. Percy uncapped Riptide at the same time that Jason took out his sword. He nudged Percy and pointed towards a boulder near them. Percy hunched behind it. Jason reached for the air around him, a small tug at his gut as he searched for the gryphon. A bird that size wasn’t hard to find. He reached out his hand and forced the wind to pull it down and crash against a tree.

 Percy tightened his grip on his sword as the creature went down. He was there in a flash of celestial bronze. Before Jason could react, the blade made contact with the gryphon’s throat and with a crude, sharp sound he’d finished it off. 

 The attack had been so quick and effective Jason couldn’t help but admire Percy’s skill. But, at the same time, he noticed how he hadn’t even flinched. He didn’t think twice about killing the monster. He hadn’t been the only one to notice this. The look of emptiness Percy had worn before seemed to have worsened.

 "We should keep going,” Jason whispered as Percy brushed the yellow dust off him. Percy nodded but didn’t cap his sword back. 

 ********* 

 Percy followed Jason as he hid behind a tree above a clearing. His heart wouldn’t stop pounding. He didn’t have to think about attacking, it was like breathing. He knew Jason had seen it as well, how instinctively he’d done it. “There,” Jason said pointing at a campfire where two large creatures seemed to be waiting.

 Percy tightened the grip on his sword. “There are only two?” He asked Jason, who confirmed it. “One each.”

 "Okay,“ there was excitement in Jason’s eyes. He didn’t see what Percy did. "I’ll draw their attention to me so you have time to sneak up on them.” Percy started towards the two monsters before Jason was even done speaking.

 He tried to concentrate on the battle up ahead but he couldn’t get the gryphon’s shriek out of his head. He was almost to the fire when Jason’s lightning cut across the sky. He was thankful for the diversion; he wasn’t even thinking about stealth. The cyclops had probably already heard him. 

He tried to make up for his clumsiness by slashing at the closer one as he turned to face him. The attack threw the cyclops off balance leaving the other monster with an opening to lunge at Percy. As if on cue, Jason dropped from the sky, landing on the cyclop’s back. Percy heard them wrestle as the cyclops Percy stunned started to regain his bearings. He realized that it was the second time Jason saved his neck that day. The sounds of battle would usually make Percy’s blood pump with adrenaline, but in that moment, he felt nothing. Everything seemed disturbingly in focus.

 He was so out of it that he barely had time to duck as the cyclops, back on his feet and wielding a nasty looking club, threw a punch at him. As he started to bring the club down on Percy, his adrenaline finally kicked in and he stabbed the ground with his sword. 

 There was a painful tug at his gut as the ground around Riptide started to shift, forming cracks that seemed to travel towards the monster. They reached him just as Percy urged the vibrations that seem to be rippling off his feet and sword to stop.

 This time when the cyclops was thrown off his feet, he landed hard enough to get the wind knocked out of him. Percy crossed the distance between them in two strides and was about to bring Riptide into a fatal blow when he made eye contact with the creature.

 His eye was wide with terror and milky brown, like Tyson’s. He had never paused long enough to hear his enemies last words but now he did. “Please!” He lowered his arm a quarter of a fraction. He remembered Tartarus and the curses that had rained down upon him. The dying wishes of everyone he’d ever killed. Did they all start as a plea?

 "Percy, watch out!“ The hair on the back of his head stood and he turned just in time to see the second cyclops inches away from him. His arms were already poised for a fatal strike, so it was with little effort that he brought down his sword, turning the monster to dust. He froze then, his heart pounding willing him to kill the other, but he forced himself to stay in place.

 Jason struck the last cyclops with lightning when he realized Percy wouldn’t move. "Percy?” His voice was cautious. Maybe it was the pity that made him run, maybe it was the way the yellow dust made his skin crawl, either way Percy ran. He ran away. “Percy!”

 ************

 Rachel tried not to panic when Percy didn’t return with Paul. All her efforts of searching for him around campus were thrown out the window when Paul told her that he had left. She was used to him running off to do his son of Poseidon business, but this felt different. No matter what Percy had always told her she knew he wasn’t alright. Over the past few months, she had been watching him silently hide his feelings, making them get worse and worse. The frustrating part was she didn’t know what they were. 

 She did what any smart person would do. She called Annabeth.

 Rachel didn’t have to look hard to find Annabeth amid the churning mass of Goode students. She could feel her stare for miles. No matter what her friend was feeling, her stormy eyes always radiated power. The redhead rushed towards her, the day’s events spilling from her mouth in an incoherent mess.

 "Start from the top,“ Annabeth told her, pulling them away from the other students. 

 

 

 When she was finally done re-telling the day’s events she was surprised to find Annabeth didn’t seem fazed. It was almost like she expected it. "It’s Percy, Rachel, you can’t expect him to check in every time he comes across a monster." 

 Rachel wasn’t convinced. "He was acting weird all morning. Something happened between him and Paul." 

 That caught Annabeth’s attention. "What makes you say that?”

 "I don’t know? I could just feel this tension between them.“ 

 Annabeth seemed to finally be getting the severity of the situation. Rachel didn’t know if that was better or worse. "You said he was talking in his sleep?” Annabeth asked. “And that he looked like he hadn’t gotten any last night?”

 "Yeah.“ 

 This was bad, Annabeth’s expression confirmed it. "We need to find him.”

 *******

 "We should just call Chiron. Or Sally. Annabeth-“ 

 "We’ll find him, Rachel!" 

Annabeth sighed. She didn’t mean to raise her voice but Rachel had been pestering her with the suggestion for the last hour and she was already on edge. "He’s never gone for long.”

 "Wait,“ Rachel pulled Annabeth to a stop, making the busy New York crowd annoyed at the obstacle in its path. "He’s done this before?”

 Annabeth cursed herself. “Yeah. Look, Rachel, it’s nothing to worry about-”

 "Nothing to worry about? Do you even hear yourself?!“ Rachel searched her face. She kept looking for something. Annabeth knew what it was. She was looking for her friend, the logical friend who would take care of things the smart way, the friend who wasn’t a mess and could convince herself that everything was going to be fine. She wanted to yell at Rachel that the girl she was looking for was gone. 

But before she could change the subject, her cellphone rang. "Jason?”

 

 

 "How did you find him?“ Annabeth asked Jason once the two girls arrived at the rusty old building.

 "Hi,” both Rachel and Annabeth jumped as Nico stepped from behind Jason. “Figured you knew this certain spot by now, Annabeth.”

 Annabeth felt both Jason’s and Rachel’s eyes on her and Nico. It was obvious they weren’t telling them something. Annabeth intended on keeping it like that, but Nico seemed to finally be cracking. “Why would I?”

 "Cut it out, Annabeth. He needs help.“ She wanted to scream out as the painful truth of Nico’s words hit her. She knew it. She’d known it for months now. But she’d kept quiet like Percy had begged her to, about the nightmares, the panic attacks, the shaking, the memories. She didn’t want to admit it. "I called Chiron and filled him in. We’re taking him to camp.”

 "What’s going on?“ Jason asked. 

 Maybe before she would’ve been able to beat Nico at the staring contest he was challenging her to, but deep down, she knew he was right. He was only doing this because he cared about him and both Annabeth and Percy had to stop running away from it. 

 "Fine,” Nico seemed to let out a breath when Annabeth finally replied, “You should go up with me. Jason and Rachel, you should head back to camp. We’ll catch up with you later." 

 Jason looked like he wanted to protest but Rachel put a hand on his shoulder. She understood that the situation was hard enough as it was. "We’ll meet you there." 

 "Are you finally going to tell me what happened down there?” NIco asked once they were both gone.

 Annabeth ignored Nico as she walked up the stairs to the building’s roof. She tried to act like she didn’t know what  _down there_  meant. “We should find him first, Nico,” was she ever going to be ready to talk about what happened? “Let  _him_  tell you." 

She felt him stop behind her. She was forced to look back at him. "He won’t tell me, Annabeth. I know that you think that just because I was down there too he’ll talk to me about it but he won’t.” He looked defeated, as if he’d said the same thing a million times with the same result: silence. He probably had. Annabeth knew that. “It’s not me that should be talking to him.”

_Stop, Percy! Please!_

  _She deserved worse_.

  _We’re your friends, Bob._

 "Let’s just find him.“ 

 Percy was never far from home. Annabeth learned that soon enough. Sometimes it was the ocean, sometimes a far out place in the woods. Sometimes, like today, the roof of his apartment building. "That didn’t take long." 

 "Percy, they’re really worried about you this time?” He was sitting close to the ledge, his back to her. Annabeth was thankful for Blackjack grazing in the corner. “Rachel called me." 

 That got his attention. "What for?”

 "You didn’t go back to school. She was worried about you, she thought something happened between you and Paul.“ She cursed herself as she said that last part. She knew she’d hit a nerve. "She wanted to help.”

 "Did she?“ 

 "Yes,” Nico said behind her, “we all do.”

 Annabeth knew Nico didn’t see it, the way his shoulders rose, taking a long breath. He was collecting himself. Percy had his back to the son of Hades. Annabeth doubted he’d turn to face the younger boy, and if he did, he’d be gone by the time he faced them. She almost yelled in frustration. 

 "I don’t need help, Nico. There’s nothing for you to help with.“ 

 Percy stood up from his place on a rusty bench and made his way towards the ledge. Annabeth’s stomach lurched as he swung one leg over the ledge then the other taking a seat on it. He pulled a smile onto his face, hiding behind it like a mask. It’s wasn’t his troublemaker smile, or  _her_  smile, the one only she knew; It was a whole new one. It was one that she detested because it only worked as a shield for whatever he was feeling. "I’m fine, I just needed some air." 

 That didn’t fool Nico, so he pressed on, "What happened with the Cyclops earlier?”

 "Jason and I took care of it.“

 "He said you almost got yourself killed!” the son of Hades persisted.

 Percy’s front wavered for a millisecond before he continued, "I’m here now, so why does it matter?”

 "You can talk to me, Percy.“

 "About what?” He shot, throwing his arms in the air. “Did it ever occur to you that the reason I keep pushing you back is because you’re suffocating me?” Annabeth looked away, she knew how this ended. They’d been arguing like this for so long. “Why don’t you ever ask Annabeth to talk-”

 "Because she doesn’t run around acting like an unstable idiot!“

 Percy laughed humorlessly. "So now I’m unstable? Is that what everyone is so worried about?”

 "Don’t victimize yourself, Percy. C'mon!“

 "I don’t victimize myself. All of you do!" 

 Annabeth had had enough. She was supposed to bring Percy back to camp. She stepped in and started, "Percy-”

 "Don’t, Annabeth!“ He turned to face her, his eyes staring daggers into hers. They used to be so soft. They used to reassure her. Now she couldn’t help but remember how dark they could get, how painfully vengeful.

 She looked away. 

 "You can’t even look at me anymore.”

 "Let’s go, Nico!“ Annabeth ordered, cutting over whatever Percy was trying to say. She steeled her expression, shoving down her emotions. How could he know? She felt Nico’s cold hand wrap around hers as her vision faded to darkness and reached for the back of Percy’s shirt before he could pull away.

 She reoriented herself as they appeared back in the camp’s forest.

 She quickly let go of Nico’s hand. "Go with Chiron, Percy. He’s worried.” She was already storming off.

 ********

 Percy wanted to follow Annabeth. He wanted to not have snapped at her, to apologize. But he did neither one of those. The fact that she’d once again brought Nico into this irritated him. The fact that she took him to camp was worse. If there was something they had in common was that they were both too proud for their own good. It was hard for them to budge and accept they were wrong, especially when it came to this.

 The whole ordeal seemed so personal. It was  _his_ problem.

 "She’s right,“ Nico said behind him, "I spoke with Chiron earlier.”

 "Of course you did.“ Percy whirred his head at Nico, his annoyance growing into anger. "Just like you pulled  _Jason_  into all of this.”

 "I’m trying to help!“

 "No one’s asking you to!”

 The son of Hades sighed, keeping his anger in check. “I didn’t ask you for your help either, but you still saved my ass when I was acting like an idiot.”

 "This is different.“

 "How?" Nico’s patience seemed to be waning. "Something horrible happened to you and instead of confronting it, you run away and deal with it the worse way possible." 

 Percy said nothing.

 "How is it any different?”

 Percy walked away.

 He couldn’t shake Nico’s words off as he strode through camp. He barely noticed the weird looks he got as he made his way to his cabin. Percy hadn’t set foot at camp in a long time. He hoped that people would figure he was too busy with his life in the mortal world, but everyone seemed to sense something was wrong. He usually wasn’t so serious.

 "Percy.“ He heard someone call behind him. He figured if he kept walking they probably would think he hadn’t heard them. He wasn’t in the mood to talk. "Percy!” This time he recognized the voice and froze in place, not facing him.

 "What is it, Grover?“ They hadn’t talked in ages, not once since Percy had gotten back from Greece.

 "I… I just wanted to see how you were doing.” Percy could tell he was trying hard to act casual, not cause a scene. He could almost picture him fiddling with his hands nervously. Good old Grover. “Talk or something? Catch up.”

 Percy wanted to, so badly it hurt. He wanted his best friend. He wanted his old life back, but there was something that kept him from all of it, from turning around and pouring everything out to the one person who first taught him what a friend was. “I’ve got to-" 

 Percy’s words were cut short by a panicked scream. Before anyone could react, a horn went off signaling that somehow a monster had gotten in. Everyone around Percy scrambled for a weapon, not bothering to look for armor. Percy uncapped Riptide and searched for their unwanted visitor. He caught sight of one of the Stolls, Connor, running down Thalia’s hill. "It’s a goddess!” He warned. “She brought some sort of demon-like ladies.”

 Will’s head popped from behind Connor. “Don’t let their talons get you! They’re poisonous!”

 Percy’s shoulder ached at the memory of the demon-like ladies. He’d fought this goddess before. “Melione? How did she get in here?”

 "No time to think about that now,“ Grover answered, his eyes trained on something ahead of them. "Look.”

 Percy’s eyes traveled up ahead to the strawberry fields were a swirling mist seemed to be forming. The mist traveled down towards the group of confused demigods, carrying with it a sort of chill that seemed to dim the brightness of the sunny day. A burst of whispering made some of them spring out in blind lunges, some even let a few arrows loose. When the first of the familiar batty beings stepped out of the mist they heard a voice.  _“What a lovely welcoming party.”_  Percy didn’t know what voice everyone heard, but several gasps were audible. Percy tried to focus on what he knew the goddess could do. Last time he’d been able to keep his own against her. Last time he’d had no ghosts for her to taunt him with. 

 More and more demon-bat ladies started crawling out of the mist. They were all eerily still until a shrieking laugh brought them out of their trance, and they attacked. 

 Chaos burst around Percy and suddenly Grover was at his side fighting off Melione’s servants. The creatures were fast and had deadly poisonous talons; they were proving hard to beat. The swirling mist just grew thicker and thicker making it hard to see them coming. The goddess herself hadn’t shown her face but she was slowing them down by whispering in their ears, her voice disguised as that of fallen friends and family. Percy’s sword arm was almost shredded to pieces when Beckendorf’s voice came out of nowhere, accusing him of being a coward. 

  _“You ran away and left me there!_ ” Percy stepped back just in time, but was losing focus fast.

 Pale mist people popped up in front of his friends making them hesitate, sudden panic overtook him as he saw some even putting their weapons down. Soon it was only a few of them, including Grover, fending off the ghosts. They weren’t even trying to beat them anymore; their priority was for them not to get touched by those talons. Percy had been lucky when he had gotten hit, but there weren’t many friendly Titans hanging around now. He felt Grover’s shoulder press against his. He’d armed himself with a wooden staff that made him look very Lord of the Wild-y. Percy almost smiled at the change, almost.

 Right in the middle of the clearing, where they usually lit a fire for their offerings to the gods, the mist was getting thicker. It swirled violently until it formed the silhouette of a man. As it morphed into someone tall and fat it made its way to Percy. He braced himself for whatever the goddess was about to show him, felt his hands get clammy and breathing get shallow. 

 Then the man came into focus. And Percy almost growled in rage. “How dare you!?” After all the friends he’d lost she thought that he regretted losing  _him_?

His blood pumped so furiously against his ears he couldn’t even hear anything else. He was outraged. He could only zero in on that sneer, on the beady eyes. The man had made him feel so utterly worthless was brought back to taunt him once again. The anger in him flowed, he could feel it the way sometimes he could sense a current. He caught sight of him, her, IT, opening its mouth to speak and in one swirling cloud of red the anger just swept out of him, crashing into his old stepfather. He reached out his hand urging the ichor to travel to its throat. Not a single word, he wouldn’t let him utter a single word. 

 He didn’t even feel when he dropped his sword. He didn’t feel his body at all. All he knew in that moment was that water was all around him, his gut hurt, and he was going to kill Gabe Ugliano. As if on cue, the goddess’ features started fighting against those of Smelly Gabe. Blonde-white hair sprouted from her scalp revealing a strange face: one side ghostly pale, the other gruesome.  _“Please,”_  she mouthed.  _“Mercy!"_

 "There is none!” Another flare of anger overtook him, making his gut explode with pain and taking with it the last grip on control Percy had. Power, his power, was everywhere. He felt the poison in the demon’s talons and commanded it to crush its owner. A small part of him was terrified at what he felt. It wasn’t just the demons or the goddess, all his friends were within his grasp as well. The grass at his feet, the moisture in the air, there was barely any difference with this and the blood flowing through their veins.

_Stop, Percy. Please, never do that again._

 He needed to stop, now. He tried to recede the ichor that had accumulated in the goddess’ neck. She couldn’t breathe, hideous wheezing noises trembled out of her pale lips. The effort made him shake all over. He focused all his energy in the ichor, tried to control it like he’d done before. But now he felt the strain, his hand shook violently in front of him. The tremors raced down his body to the ground. He felt fissures sprouting around his feet, vaguely heard people calling out to him. 

 He felt lost in a limbo where only him and his power existed. It threatened to consume him and his fight was killing him, sending him even more out of control. He tried to hold everything in, push it back to the place where it had resided inside him. He wanted to destroy that part of him that destroyed everything, everyone, around him. 

He couldn’t. Control didn’t exist. 

 Something else pushed its way past his spiraling thoughts, a connection he’d forgotten, one he hadn’t used in so long.  _Let go,_  it told him. He knew the voice but was in too much pain to match a face to it.  _You have to, Percy. You have to let go._

 He couldn’t, they’d die. With one last painful effort he pulled his hand into a closed fist. White hot, blazing pain shot through him, ripping his throat out in a scream. He wasn’t even a person anymore. He was a hurricane, he was the violent crash of waves, the deadly tide. 

  _PERCY LET GO!_

_THE EMPATHY LINK! I FEEL IT! YOU NEED TO LET GO!_

 He trusted that voice blindly. He let go. 

 ***********

 Percy woke up to the protest of every one of his muscles, feeling as if someone had shoved a vacuum cleaner down his throat and sucked out all his insides. His aching head was resting atop a comfortable pillow and he was covered by a soft blanket, but he was sure he wasn’t in the infirmary. He’d woken up there enough times to know the difference. There was also someone sitting at the edge of his bed. 

 Begrudgingly, he opened his eyes. The first thing he saw were the glittering hippocampi Tyson had hung on the ceiling of Cabin 3. 

 "Percy?“ He inched his head sideways. "Oh Gods! Thank goodness you’re okay!" 

 He groaned as Annabeth inched close to him but didn’t protest when she buried her face in his chest. His stomach twisted in guilty knots as he felt tears stain his shirt. Flashes of what happened came back to him and he was about to ask what had happened, how much damage he’d caused, when Annabeth beat him to it. 

 "No one’s badly hurt. I don’t know how but Grover managed to get through you just in time,” of course that voice had belonged to Grover, Percy thought, “Melione and her cronies vanished as soon as you passed out. Nico went to talk to his dad right away. He’s there now actually.”

 Annabeth sat upright, wiping away the few tears she had let escape. She was back to being all business. They actually hadn’t had a moment like this in the longest time. He felt incredibly self-conscious as she looked away, like she so often did now, and he lay there weak after his meltdown. 

What the hell was wrong with him? How could he lose control like that? He’d could’ve gotten everyone killed. 

 "I’m sorry,“ he blurted, Annabeth’s tired grey eyes meeting his for the first time in what seemed like forever. His heart ached, he missed her too badly to put into words, yet, it had been him who had started pushing her away in the first place. 

 He wanted to say more but just then Will walked through the door. "Good,” he stated, “you’re up." 

 "I’m fine,” Percy said before he went full on Dr. Solace on him. 

 "No,“ he assured, "you’re not.”

 He pushed Percy unto the bed when he tried to get out, not like he could’ve stood anyway,  and made Annabeth retreat to the corner. “I just need to do a quick check up. Chiron told me to leave you alone anyway.” Will glanced at Annabeth. She made it clear she wasn’t going anywhere. Annabeth stared intently as Will worked. 

“There,” he finally huffed, “all done. You won’t die.”

Percy was tempted to thank him as he walked away but he stayed quiet. Except, Will didn’t leave, he turned on his heel and faced Percy. With the look he was giving him he expected a full blown scolding. Percy knew he deserved it too.

 "We’ve all gone through war here, Percy,“ this was unexpected. "I think we’ve lost enough people to realize it’s not exciting or heroic.” He stumbled through his words, Percy could tell it was hard for him to talk about this. “Leadership is not something anyone wants. Not when it means guiding your family to their deaths. I of all people know that, Percy. My point is, we are, or at least I’m, not ignorant to the toll it has. Just because you’re Percy Jackson doesn’t mean you don’t suffer from it either. It’s for that same reason that you’ve suffered it worse than most of us.” He stared at the floor, losing the sudden burst of confidence he’d gotten. “We’re all broken, Percy, one way or another. But we can’t mend ourselves by ignoring the broken parts.” With that the head counselor of the Apollo cabin walked out of the room. 

 Annabeth waited until he’d left to say: “He’s right, you know.” She was staring straight at Percy now. He held her gaze. “You keep pushing everything that happened away. It’s not doing you any good. It’s-" 

 "Spinning me out of control?” They’d had this conversation before. 

 "Yes,“ Annabeth said, she wasn’t yelling she just sounded tired. "It’s not only hurting you.”

 "I didn’t mean to freak out like that. I’m sorry anyone got hurt-“ 

 "That’s not what I mean.” This time she didn’t stop her tears. Gods, he missed those eyes. 

 "Is that why you won’t look at me?“ He’d been ashamed of it so long that he felt his throat closing up. "I’m hurting you?”

 "Not  _you_  Percy. It’s not  _you_  that hurts me.“

 "Then what?!” He didn’t mean to raise his voice. He was just so frustrated. “Why won’t you talk to me?" 

 "Because I can’t look,” she was sobbing now. “I can’t look at what I did to you!” Her body was shaking as she sank to the floor, never once looking away from Percy. 

 He was out of his bed and on the floor cradling her in seconds. He didn’t care about every single one of his cells screaming in pain. Nothing hurt more than seeing her like this. “What are you talking about?" 

 "You fell because of me! I should’ve just let go! I let you fall with me!”

 He took her face in his hands, not believing what he was hearing. “It would’ve gone against everything that makes me, me, to not have fallen with you. You hear me?” He wiped away some tears with his thumb. “I don’t risk anything to be with you. I HAVE to be with you. It’s something that needs to happen in order for me to live. No matter how hard you would’ve tried to do it alone, I wouldn’t have let you." 

 "I’M not worth all of this! I can’t see you like this and know it’s my fault!" 

 Percy felt his heart crumble. He’d been so selfish. They took care of each other, that’s what they did. They had each other’s backs, at least she had his.

 "I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He pressed his forehead against hers, feeling some tears of his own wet his cheeks. “It’s no one’s fault but mine, Annabeth. I caught you and I fell with you. And I would do it now if it meant I got to be with you. I’m sorry I’m a bit slow. I had to vent for a while I guess. I had to be stupid for a while." 

 "You’re not stupid,” Annabeth managed. “And you’re not okay." 

 "No,” he was letting go. He couldn’t hold on to the anger anymore. What had happened, happened. There was no going back. But he meant what he’d said. Annabeth was worth it. His life was worth it. “I’m not okay. And neither are you. And that’s not our fault." 

 Annabeth grabbed Percy’s wrist, trying to pry him off. He could see the fear at the prospect of not being okay. But if there was one thing he was going to hold on to, it was her. He pulled her face closer and kissed her. Her attempts at pulling him away were abandoned, as she pulled him even closer. 

 With everything he’d ever seen, all the myths he’d known to be true, Percy should’ve picture him and Annabeth as two strings that had morphed into one and that were destined to end by the same cut. But he didn’t see any of that. He saw two lost kids sharing some Oreos, in a quest they didn’t fully understand, knowing somehow that the only thing that would make sense for the rest of their lives was to stick together no matter what.


End file.
